


Let Me Take Care of You

by paranoid_parallax



Series: vld vent fics [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Back Pain, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Dom/sub Undertones, Dry Orgasm, M/M, Masochism, Multiple Orgasms, Muscular dystrophy, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Prostate Massage, Scoliosis, Sexual Dysfunction, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, nerve pain, spinal stenosis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax
Summary: Shiro's muscular dystrophy has led to him developing chronic back problems as well. Both a pinched spinal nerve and the side effects of a new medication have unfortunate effects on his sex life, and he is very self-conscious about the problem— but luckily, Adam is understanding and supportive, and loves him just as much as ever.
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron)
Series: vld vent fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567141
Kudos: 46





	Let Me Take Care of You

**Author's Note:**

> so I pretty much wrote this to angst about my messed up spine (nerve pain is the fucking worst), and it ended up becoming more explicit than originally intended lol
> 
> (I've never written porn before so this might be really bad lmao)

Shiro wondered what “young and healthy” felt like.

Most of the time he was able to just ignore the fact that he’d never really experienced it and never would, to just sweep it under the rug and act normal because for him this _was_ normal— but admittedly, he occasionally felt pangs of sharp jealousy for the normal lives, the normal bodies, of most of his peers. What must it be like to not be falling apart at eighteen? To not hurt all the time and be _used to it_? To not know so young that you would never be truly healthy again, that an irreversible genetic switch had been flipped somewhere and the damage would only ever get worse?

_Degenerative._ It was all downhill from here, and here wasn’t even that great.

Shiro’s muscular dystrophy had begun its effects when he was sixteen. How, in just two short years, had the countless doctor visits and medications and alarming symptoms and feelings of helplessness become _normal_ to him? It was like he had always been this way; he could hardly remember how it felt to live without it.

Somehow, he had hoped that would be it. He was probably going to die rather young of some sort of heart failure, and his muscles would keep growing weaker and weaker with time. Wasn’t that enough?

Clearly not. Nearly a year ago now, he had begun getting more and more frequent and severe lower back pain. Hoping it would go away, he had ignored it until it became impossible to do so. An MRI had revealed scoliosis— still mild enough to not be externally visible, but present nonetheless— and lumbar stenosis, meaning one of his spinal discs was atypically degenerated for his age and pinching a nerve in his lower back.

It was the kind of thing that almost always happened to someone after the age of fifty, if at all. Shiro was an anomaly— but then again, it was hardly the first time. “Rare” never meant he was safe from something.

One in a hundred thousand.

Lucky him.

It was possible these things had appeared in a highly unfortunate chain— the muscular dystrophy causing the scoliosis, which in turn caused the stenosis, as those were known possibilities. It was also possible he had just gotten unlucky three separate times. Either way, it was hell.

For all the fear and grief that came with muscular dystrophy, at least the pain was rarely debilitating at this stage. He did get muscle cramps more often than most, some of which hurt pretty badly, but exercise helped on that front. In fact, that was what had pushed him to begin working out near-constantly; he had already been fairly active, but the knowledge that his body was already turning against him had made staying in peak health seem far more urgent and life-or-death.

The pinched nerve, on the other hand, had come almost immediately with a myriad of painful, depressing side effects. In addition to pain in the lower back itself, Shiro often got shooting pains down his legs or into his groin. Physical therapy had helped some, but ultimately, it was another degenerative condition, and there was nothing he could ever do to truly get rid of it.

One of the latest unfortunate developments was, to put it simply, shooting pain in his dick that worsened when it was touched.

It wasn’t constant, but it had been making its obnoxious appearances during sex more and more often lately.

Like right now.

“Ah!” He squeezed his eyes shut, grimacing as sharp nerve pain sparked under Adam’s touch. “Shit. That hurts.”

“Sorry.” Adam looked worried, but understood by now why Shiro had reacted that way. He paused for a moment, head tilted slightly as if considering something. “Hey, turn over on your tummy, baby.”

Confused, Shiro obliged.

“Good boy.” Shiro shivered in pleasure at the praise. “I’m going to crack your back, okay? That helps, right?”

“Oh. Yeah, it usually does. Thank you.”

“Good.” Adam leaned over to press a gentle kiss to the back of his neck. “Just relax. Let me take care of you, Takashi.”

He did his best to relax despite the awful cramping in his muscles, groaning in relief as Adam worked his way down his aching spine with firm hands, easing some of the tension there bit by bit with satisfying crunches.

“Now get up and stretch for me, okay?”

Sighing, Shiro grudgingly got to his feet, bending and twisting and popping various joints while Adam watched approvingly. “Good job, puppy.” Stepping over to Shiro, he gave him a quick hug and kiss, reaching up to run a hand through his hair and scratch gently at the back of his neck. “Good boy.” Shiro moaned a little at that, pressing closer to his boyfriend. “Is anything still cramping?” Adam asked.

He nodded. “My arms are pretty bad right now.”

“Let me see.”

He held out his arms to Adam, who carefully took and massaged each in turn, fingers kneading deep into the sore muscle and easing the pain as much as they could.

“Thank you.” He felt so guilty that his boyfriend had to take care of him like this. Why couldn’t his body just work correctly for once?

“Of course.” Adam could read the shame in his expression. “Stop that. Don’t feel guilty. I want to help you.”

“It’s just— it’s not _fair_ ,” he managed with a barely stifled sob. “It’s not fair that we have to worry about this shit, I’m _eighteen_ , not sixty.” Shiro was so _young_ , and so healthy in every way he could possibly control. Why did this have to happen to him?

It hit him suddenly that he probably never _would_ be sixty, and the tears spilled over.

“I know,” Adam said quietly, holding him close and rocking gently as he ran a soothing hand through his hair. “I know it’s not fair. You don’t deserve this. But we’re going to get through it together, I promise.” The determination shining in his eyes only made Shiro cry harder. It wasn’t fair that Adam had to deal with all this either. He was so tired of being a burden no matter how hard he tried not to be. “I love you so much, Takashi.”

“Love you too.”

They wound up just curling up in bed together to fall asleep. Shiro awoke a few hours later in pain, and gently extricated himself from his boyfriend’s arms to begin his morning workout routine. Rest was not a luxury he could afford anymore.

——————————

A month or so later, he had been placed on a new medication— just another to add to his extensive list of prescriptions— that happened to cause erectile dysfunction.

Honestly, Shiro hadn’t really expected there to be a huge, noticeable effect. He’d read too many long, ominous warning labels to be fazed by them anymore, and besides, he was too young for something like that, right?

Then again, he was theoretically too young for the back problems he had too.

Anyway, it had been a few weeks, and he couldn’t get it up most of the time at this point. He wanted to see if there was a way to switch the medication, but the appointments were always scheduled so far out— it would be a while before he could discuss it with his doctor, and he couldn’t risk his fragile health by stopping it unsupervised. Besides, it was embarrassing to talk about; he wasn’t even sure he wanted to mention it although he knew he probably should.

Eventually, he’d had to tell Adam what was going on. Not so much that Adam was demanding explanations, more that Shiro felt obligated to give them, but still.

Today they were going to try having sex anyway, for the first time since this had been happening. Shiro couldn’t exactly say he was looking forward to having his boyfriend see him like this, but he didn’t want to just never have sex again, either. His body might not be responding properly, but the desire was still there. And at least his nerve pain wasn’t acting up in that area today, thankfully.

Still. The situation was humiliating.

“Hey.” Adam said insistently. “Don’t close your eyes. Watch me.”

“It’s embarrassing...” he mumbled, face heating up as he avoided looking at Adam.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Takashi.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m saying it because it’s true.” He stroked Shiro’s inner thighs teasingly. “Come on, baby boy. I want you to watch me suck your cock.”

He groaned, finally giving in. “Not fair.”

“Never said I play fair.” His cute little smirk melted Shiro’s heart. “Now keep your eyes on me, puppy. Gonna make you feel so good.”

Shame welled up in Shiro’s chest at the sight of his flaccid dick, but that was quickly forgotten as Adam began to rub at it with one hand while massaging his perineum with the other. “Look at you,” he said quietly. “So beautiful.” Leaning down, he took the still-soft cock into his mouth, and _fuck_ it was so hot and wet and— Shiro moaned loudly before he could stop himself.

“That’s it. Good boy, let me hear you.” Continuing, Adam ran his tongue under the foreskin, licking teasingly at the sensitive head. That, combined with the external pressure on his prostate from the way he was rubbing his perineum, practically had Shiro seeing stars.

“Adam,” he managed eventually between bitten-off noises of pleasure.

“Mm?”

“I need you inside me. Please.”

Adam gave a quiet laugh, looking up at him lovingly. “Well, if you insist.” He had to pause things for a brief moment to get the lube, leaving his partner whimpering faintly at the loss of contact, but quickly returned.

He began working one finger inside of Shiro slowly, gently, but it was barely a minute before he gasped out, “More. Please.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Please.” He looked slightly ashamed, but mumbled, “I like it when it hurts a little.”

“Oh.” Adam hesitated. “I just don’t want you to be in any more pain, baby...”

“It’s— it’s not the same. It’s pain I can control for once, and it’s not the horrible nerve pain or anything…” He faltered, suddenly unsure of himself. “I don’t know, it’s stupid. Forget it. I’m sorry—”

“Promise you’ll tell me if it’s too much?”

Shiro looked surprised for a moment, but said, “I promise.”

“Okay.” Without warning, Adam pushed three fingers inside him.

“Ah!” He whimpered in pain and pleasure, squirming as those fingers began pounding into him mercilessly. It stung, but it felt _so good_.

The onslaught continued for what could have been minutes or hours; he was too gone at this point to focus on anything but the growing pressure between his legs, the overwhelming need to cum.

“Ready for my cock, baby?”

“Yes,” he gasped.

“Beg for it.” Adam pulled his fingers out and began giving teasing little kitten licks to Shiro’s cock, which was making a valiant effort to get hard.

“Please fuck me. Please, I need your cock inside me— I want you to be rough with it. I want— I— ohhhhh...” His eyes rolled back as he felt Adam’s length pushing into him forcefully. “Wait— just wait for a minute or I might— oh god, I think I’m about to cum—”

“Don’t worry, baby.” Adam gripped the base of Shiro’s semi-hard cock firmly and began fucking into him roughly. “You’ll cum when I tell you to.”

“Y-yes, sir.”

Adam’s eyes widened at the title, pupils blown, and he began thrusting harder. “That’s it, baby. You like that?”

“Yes, sir,” he moaned again breathlessly. The head of his boyfriend’s cock pounded relentlessly against his sensitive prostate, the thick, hard length filling him up _so good_ and— “Oh, god, it’s coming out, I can’t stop it—” Adam was still holding his base tightly, so nothing actually came out, but he felt an incredible orgasm surge through his body.

Afterward, he moaned and whimpered as Adam’s cock kept brutally thrusting against that same oversensitive spot, helpless to do anything but lie there and take it.

It hurt. It felt amazing.

Eventually, Adam released the tight grip and began stroking him quickly as he continued his rough pace. “Cum for me, Takashi.”

Another moment of blissful pleasure-pain, overstimulating yet not quite enough— then white-hot pleasure exploded within him, the tightly coiled pressure in his balls finally releasing. His cock jumped, and cum spurted out across his stomach and chest.

“So fucking beautiful... So good…” Adam leaned down to lick Shiro’s release off his body, swallowing it eagerly.

Suddenly, Adam’s hips stuttered and Shiro felt hot cum spill inside him, Adam moaning in pleasure as he all but collapsed on top of him.

They just lay there like that for a moment, both content not to move yet.

After a minute or so, however, Shiro had to move again, his body never able to remain in one position for too long. “Adam?” he said quietly. “Sorry, I need to get up for a sec.”

“Of course,” Adam replied, still catching his breath. “Hang on.”

Slowly, he pulled out of Shiro, both of them gasping slightly at the sensation, and flopped over onto his back beside him.

“Thank you.” Shiro gave him a kiss, then got up to stretch for a couple of minutes before returning to cuddle more.

“Takashi?” Adam began nervously, looking concerned. “I didn’t… I wasn’t too rough, was I? I didn’t mean to get so dominant, but you asked, and I just… did I get carried away? I’m so sorry if I hurt you, I—”

“Adam. Shhh.” Snuggling closer to his boyfriend, Shiro gave him another affectionate kiss. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t ask for— anything I didn’t want. That was amazing.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“I mean, it always hurts, but it’s fine.” They exchanged expressions of confusion until Shiro realized. “Oh, you mean from the sex.”

“Yeah.” Adam looked a little sad. “I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain all the time. You don’t deserve any of this— god, I can’t believe I _added_ to it—”

“Adam, stop. This is completely different. Yes, I’m a little sore, but it’s nowhere near the level of the chronic pain and it’s also different because I _wanted_ it.”

“Okay.” He seemed to finally be accepting Shiro’s words. “Do you want me to take a look and see if we need to treat anything, though?”

That sounded nice. “Sure.”

“Can you pull your knees up to your chest for me, puppy?”

Shiro did, feeling Adam’s gentle fingers brush briefly over his sore entrance as he examined the area.

“Okay, all done. Good boy.” Leaning back in beside Shiro for a moment, he gave him a kiss. “Just looks a little red. I have something I can put on it, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

After Adam had taken care of him and they had gotten cleaned up, they heated up some food and snuggled back into bed with a tray to relax for a bit— that is, until Shiro’s body began to protest again. He tried to ignore it, to shift around a bit and ease the discomfort, but it only got worse. Eventually, he had to give in. Apologizing to his boyfriend, he got to his feet— and Adam got up too. “It’s fine, Takashi. Do you want to go stand at the kitchen counter together? I know it's better for your back.”

“You don’t have to—”

Adam cut him off. “I want to. I want to be with you, and I don’t want you to be in pain. We can finish eating at the counter, and if you want, we can head to the gym for a while after.”

Shiro hesitated. _I don’t want him to have to do all this for me. I’m sick of being a burden all the time… it isn’t fair to Adam._

“Please. Let me be here for you. I know we’re going to have to work around all this stuff, and I know it’s not always going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean I want to leave you. We don’t have to pretend nothing is wrong when it obviously is, but we don’t have to let it come between us. I love you so much, Takashi.”

“Adam... I love you too, but this shouldn’t be your problem to deal with.”

“I don’t care. I’m here for you. No matter what.”

“You don’t need to protect me.” Now that his earlier submissive headspace had faded and he was acting like his usual self, Shiro bristled at the idea of needing help. Even from Adam— hell, _especially_ from Adam.

“But I want to.” He looked so earnest and sweet, so loving, that it was hard to be mad at him. He meant well. If Shiro wasn’t so stubbornly, determinedly independent, he might have appreciated the sincere offer— but he was. He had to be, or this _thing_ , this disease, would define him, swallowing up the only dreams and individuality he had left. For all the surviving he’d had to do in the past couple of years, he still wanted to _live_ before the end caught up with him decades too soon.

“Don’t,” Shiro said finally. “Don’t protect me. Be here if you want to, but don’t bend over backwards to try and fix things for me. I can handle it.”

“Of course I want to.” Adam looked slightly hurt, but didn’t press further. “I'm sorry. I love you."

“I love you too." _But I'll be leaving soon,_ he couldn't help but think with a pang of guilt, even as he held his boyfriend close for a long moment.

For all their arguments about the Kerberos mission, and about similar things in the past, Shiro knew he was going. He didn't want to leave Adam behind, but this was his dream, and he only had a short window of time left in which to pursue it. He would miss him, of course, but he'd still be back eventually. _Back to finally just wither up and die like you're supposed to,_ his brain supplied bitterly. But at least he would be home when it was all over, and they would be together.

Hopefully Adam would understand. He had to. Shiro couldn't entertain any other possibility, because that would mean losing this wonderful relationship he'd built with his best friend and flight partner.

No, of course it would all be fine— as fine as things ever were for Takashi Shirogane, anyway.

Which he supposed wasn't saying a lot.


End file.
